Why Doesn’t a Man Want to Have Sex Often?

10 Mins read

Have you ever wondered why a man doesn’t want to have sex often? It is said that they spend 90% of the time thinking about being with a woman, but your boy sometimes tells you “I don’t feel like it today”, and that alarms you.

Don’t jump to pessimistic conclusions. Here we bring you a list of the 15 most common reasons why a man’s libido decreases. Also, some tips on what you can do in this situation.

Depending on his life, each man may have different reasons for not wanting intimacy. We list the most common reasons and how to identify them.

1. You have financial problems


If you ask yourself “why does my partner reject me sexually?”, Perhaps this is one of the causes. Men get much more depressed than women when their financial situation is not what they want.

How do I know if my partner does not feel desires due to financial problems? 

Although these symptoms are not exclusive to financial problems, these behaviours can help you confirm if this is the cause:

  • You have noticed him more irritated lately: he gets angry about nothing, loses his patience very quickly, screams, and is in a bad mood from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed.
  • His conversation pattern has changed: he talks less and less or does not speak at all, does not want to hear anything, is bothered by noise.
  • You notice him distant from you and from the rest of the world.
  • You can’t talk to him about finances because he goes into a rage
  • He hardly sleeps. You may lie in bed thinking, or sit in front of the television or computer to distract yourself.

2. Has many distractions

We currently have so many distractions that it is difficult to focus on just one task.

If he pays more attention to mobile devices, the television, the laptop or any gadget that he has as a toy than to you, it is time to talk to him and make things clear.

An easy way to do it is by setting rules:

  • Watch TV until a certain time.
  • Ban the use of electronic devices in the bedroom: if they need an alarm, they can buy a clock.
  • When you’re together, make it a rule to put the phone on quiet (whether it’s on a date, while you’re eating, or during an intimate relationship).

It sounds silly, but it is a way to make his mind focus on you.

3. There is tension in the relationship

It can be as simple as him not picking up his socks off the floor or you not pulling his hair out of the drain after showering. Those kinds of details can build up and cause resentment to the point of killing all the passion in the relationship.

If you ask yourself “why doesn’t my husband want to make love?” Perhaps the first thing you should do is evaluate how the relationship has been lately. The tension in a couple affects their intimacy.

How do I confirm that there is tension between us? 

Although an analysis should suffice, here are some of the most common signs to identify a strained relationship:

  • They fight constantly, demanding small mutual behaviours that annoy them: not arriving on time, leaving clothes on the floor, not taking out the trash, leaving the bathroom dirty after using it, leaving the toilet seat up …
  • When they lie down in bed, they turn their backs.
  • They have stopped caressing or kissing. They do not show affection or tenderness.
  • They talk less.

What can I do to solve the tension? 

The first thing is to sit down and honestly acknowledge that they are going through a stage that is testing them.

The second step is to commit to resolving conflicts through actions and not just words, apologize and learn to communicate more effectively. The conversation should never focus on criticizing, but rather on solving.

In case it does not work, they can attend therapy so that a professional can help them with the right tools to get out of the crisis.

4. You don’t get enough exercise

Believe it or not, exercising can influence a relationship. This happens for two main reasons: physical activity releases endorphins that make you feel in a good mood and also improves your physical condition, which is impacted on your self-esteem.

If your partner is sedentary or has gained a bit of weight lately, instead of saying “fat” (which destroys the relationship, his self-esteem and his security), invite him to exercise together.

When your confidence in your body increases you will surely want to have sex again. They can also take advantage of the exercise to grow the emotional ties that unite them and improve communication.

5. He has a lover

Although it does not have to be the main cause, it is one of the most common that makes a man not want to have relationships with his partner. But before you go into paranoia and make assumptions, stop to think:

  • Has he been going out more than usual and makes excuses that don’t convince you?
  • Have you become jealous of your phone?
  • Has the password of your social networks changed?
  • Are you in a bad mood?
  • Has his treatment of you changed? (now it is rougher, drier, less communicative …)
  • Are you glued to the phone or computer until the early morning?

If you have said yes to most of the questions, you should sit down and talk calmly with your partner, ask what is going on, and ask them to tell you if there is someone else in their life.

Although he does not tell you directly, his way of acting (gestures, words, attitude) can help you to know the truth. Trust your intuition.

6. He suspects you are unfaithful


Many times, the cause of different behaviour in your boy is where you least expect it: maybe it’s you. It is possible that he is jealous or distrustful of you because he suspects infidelity and therefore does not want to be intimate with you.

You can say that you have done nothing to earn their mistrust. However, some men exaggerate and think that their partner flirts with other men for being nice, or they think they disrespect him for going out for coffee with a colleague.

The truth is that you should talk to him. If you haven’t done anything and he’s willing to work on trusting you, consider going to couple’s therapy to reconnect. In case you are not willing, it is better to leave, as it is a toxic relationship that could end badly.

7. Take medications that lower your libido

Has your partner recently started a new medication? If this is the case, before asking yourself what happens when your partner no longer wants to have sex with you, check the package insert or ask your doctor.

Many medications influence a person’s sexual desire and do not necessarily have to be hormonal treatments. It can also play a role if you have a condition that affects your mood or energy.

What can I do if my libido is affected by medication? 

If it is a long-term or lifelong treatment, you can consult your doctor about what options you have (an alternative medicine that does not influence sexual desire, therapy …).

If it is something temporary, you just have to wait for the treatment to finish. Take advantage of this period to share with your partner: have deep conversations, sleep in arms, reconnect …

8. You suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder after delivery

Yes! Although he was not the one who gave birth, it can be traumatized. Imagine: if you get traumatized because something the size of a watermelon passed through your private parts, how do you think the idea is for him?

Having a baby can put a lot of pressure on your partner: fewer hours of sleep, more responsibility for a little one who is completely dependent on you, your hormones scrambled …

The whole situation is stressful and some men just don’t know how to handle it.

What can I do if you no longer want to have sex with me after giving birth?

The first thing is to try to calm yourself and not think anything negative, even if your baby is not inside you, he does feel your moods.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Try to lean the conversation to “let’s work it out together,” rather than “you don’t love me anymore.”

Agree on a day to have a romantic date, no matter if it’s at home: dress up like when it was just the two of you. Talk, have a good time and try to regain the connection that has been momentarily lost.

But if you still feel like nothing is working, go to therapy or see a doctor. You may have postpartum depression (men can get this disorder too) and may need medicine.

9. Personal or religious beliefs prevent it

Perhaps his unconscious rejection of everything that has to do with intimate relationships is due to messages learned in his childhood, which have penetrated his psyche and simply make him be sexually unappetizing or have an aversion to the subject.

How can you find out if this is the cause? Talking: talk about your past, your sexual histories, each other’s origin, your religions and beliefs… You will both get to know each other and discover what is the cause of the lack of desire.

But before we did have relationships, what happened?

Perhaps a trigger has been activated by some situation in his life: the death of a relative or person close to him, the arrival of a child, move, change of job …

It is completely normal and acceptable; the important thing is that you support him and be there for him. Then they should seek therapy with a professional and he will indicate the next steps.

10. Suffers from dysfunction

This is something more common than you hear and it can affect men of any age, although it is more common after 40 years.

Men do not mention him for the world, so as not to feel ashamed of his virility. So instead of spending the pain with you, they prefer not to have relationships.

Maybe it’s just the anxiety about being a good lover, the worry that she won’t last as long as he would like, or major emotional/physical problems.

What can I do if my partner suffers from dysfunction? 

Mainly you should make him understand that it is not a cause for shame, nor is it such an important factor in the relationship. When he understands this, convince him to go for a medical check-up, especially if the dysfunction started suddenly.

Complement everything with sexual therapy, so that both know that there are other ways to please each other in addition to the intimate act.

It is important to clarify that he should never take drugs to cause an erection without medical supervision, as this could cause serious health problems.

11. Does not like to be intimate


If your partner does not have physical or emotional problems, and you have ruled out that it could be any of the above causes, it is likely that he no longer feels a sexual interest in you.

Before you despair and start wondering “what to do if my husband doesn’t want to have sex with me?” We advise you first to find out why he has stopped being attracted to you.

They may have many conflicts, that you no longer fix yourself, that the routine consumed them … Sit down and talk with him and try to figure out what affects him. If you are willing to fix things, you can consider these tips to ignite passion:

  • Go on a date at least once a week. It doesn’t have to be in a fancy place, but just the two of you should go out.
  • Set a day for a family share: especially if you have children. It can be a game or movie night. This will reconnect you as a couple and as a family, it will remind you of the reasons why you are together.
  • Every night before going to sleep, compliment each other, something nice that happened to you during the day, or simply express how you feel towards each other.

12. You suffered from sexual abuse in your past

Both men and women with a history of sexual abuse can avoid intimate relationships and any kind of caress that has a sexual connotation.

What can I do if my partner was sexually abused?

The main advice we can give you is to attend sex therapy as a couple. He needs to understand that you will not hurt him, that you understand him, that you love him and, most importantly: that he is in control of the situation and they can stop when they feel necessary.

It is a slow process that will require patience, understanding and a lot of love.

13. Feel pain at the time of relationship

Some ailments such as pain in the lower back, legs, waist or hips, could be caused by movement or position at the time of the act and are sufficient causes for your sexual desire to decrease until it disappears.

It is also common to have discomfort in the male reproductive system, it can be caused by health problems, mainly physical, which can cause sharp and stabbing pain.

Regardless of age, health or physical condition, this can affect a man and make his sexual desire disappear. There are so many possible causes that it is best to go to the doctor to detect the problem and apply the appropriate treatment.

15. Suffer from andropause

Did you know that men also suffer from a hormonal change in old age? Andropause is like male menopause.

As in women, there is also no exact age to reach it, although it is believed that this process begins in the late 40s. Testosterone levels drop, so it is likely that you suffer from dysfunction, your libido decreases, and you notice changes in your behaviour.

What can I do if my partner suffers from andropause?

Support him and see a doctor for information on options that increase his libido and general well-being.

It is very important to mention that they should not try to solve erectile dysfunction or changes in libido with medications without a medical order, as they could be harmful to their health, especially if they suffer from tension, smoke or drink.

Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to have sex with me?

As in any relationship, there can be many reasons. These are the most common:

  • He has a lover: it is the first thing we think of, although this is not always the reason. To confirm it, observe his behaviour: he excuses himself not to be at home, he ignores you, he fights with you for nonsense, he has become jealous with his phone …
  • He suffers from a health problem: from a painful relationship, erectile dysfunction, to more serious problems such as a chronic illness or psychological problems (depression, panic, stress).
  • You are taking any medication that lowers your libido.
  • He does not feel good in the relationship:theymay have many conflicts, he is no longer attracted to you, he is in love with another (without being unfaithful), he does not trust you.
  • You are not comfortable with your body.

Now that you know the reasons why a man does not want to have sex often and some of the advice on what to do in most cases, take this list and analyse the current situation of your relationship. Here may be the answer to that couple’s concern.

Apply our advice and stop wondering why a man does not want to have sex.

You can share this article on your social networks to support a friend in a similar situation and don’t forget to tell us about your experiences in our comment box.

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