My Ex is Blackmailing Me: What Should I Do?

8 Mins read

Break-ups can sometimes lead to unfortunate situations, such as blackmail. This is how blackmailing an ex looks.

In most cases, romantic breakups are very poorly digested, which is more for the person who is dumped. Many are the people who, in reaction to their suffering, do not hesitate to proceed by threats, in order to reconquer their former partner.

Are you in such a situation and wondering what to do because your ex is blackmailing you? It is not always easy to give an exact answer to such a question, as blackmail after a breakup can present itself in various ways.

In fact, know that to blackmail you, your ex can proceed in different ways. Between publishing your intimate photos on the Internet and using your children (if you have any) or various other possibilities, there is no lack of pretexts for blackmail.

In either case, what to do? How to behave and be able to avoid any inconvenience, both for your children and possibly for the person with whom you are now in a relationship (if this is the case)?

We provide you with answers to these questions, and at the same time provide you with advice on what to do next.

  • What is blackmail in a romantic relationship?
  • The different types of love blackmail and how to deal with them
    • By threatening to kill himself for example
    • Blackmail via the internet
    • Blackmail with children
  • In any case, what to do in case of blackmail of an ex?

What is blackmail in a romantic relationship?


Generally, blackmail is when one person threatens another with compromising revelations, in order to extort money or any other advantage.

In a romantic relationship, when you wonder why your ex is blackmailing you, tell yourself that the goal is to force you to get back with her.

Likewise, his blackmail may be aimed at wresting custody of your children from you, earning more money than you in a common affair or in the sale of property that once belonged to you when you were spinning the perfect love.

In addition, it is possible to find more specificity in blackmail in matters of romantic relationship. Affective blackmail is the perfect illustration of this.

The emotional blackmail is to use the methods and means to feel guilty the other partner in the hope of obtaining from him or something reconciliation (it is usually the goal). This means that this type of blackmail plays on the psychology and practiced by anyone who was once in torque, anything to varying degrees.

In the context of emotional blackmail, the woman who blackmailed you does not necessarily have bad intentions. Chances are she’s just integrated the separation and her subconscious is devising all kinds of strategies to get you back.

A simple example of emotional blackmail. You decide to go for the weekend with your best friend while your children spend the weekend with your ex while you are away. Knowing that he / she has the hope of a reconciliation with you, he or she bombards you with tons of messages during your weekend , either to tell you that the children are not doing well, or to let you know that he misses you.

Her goal is to destabilize you, to the point that you can’t fully devote yourself to your best friend, so you can’t have fun without her. If maneuvers like this should be repeated, you have good reason to ask yourself: “What to do when my ex is blackmailing me?” “.

The different types of love blackmail and how to deal with them

There are a number of ways your ex can go about blackmailing you in hopes of seeing you back.

By threatening to kill himself for example

A threat of suicide; it is arguably the worst emotional blackmail you can face. However, this type of blackmail is not uncommon, even if the chances that the woman who blackmailed you will act on it. Her goal is to make you feel responsible for her life, and for her death in the event that she carries out her threat.

Being a reasonable person, you will feel embarrassed and you will have to reassure her and dissuade her from her idea of ​​suicide. And in the face of such a threat, when you ask relatives or friends what to do, they will most likely advise you to get back with her until the idea of ​​suicide comes out of her head.

However, there are other approaches to solutions. A suicide threat from your ex is somewhere a cry for help. So you have to hear her and rescue her, but not necessarily by getting back with her. Although this solution may seem overly pragmatic, it must be said that it has its raison d’être.

Many couples separate every day, and the pain of breaking up is no reason to kill themselves. We don’t have the same reactions and skills when it comes to a breakup. The notion of sensitivity in the present case is purely subjective. In fact, if your ex is suffering from your breakup, it’s not your fault.

If she hopes to see you come back, you might as well change your mind , and get closer to her to get the idea of ​​suicide out of her head , making it clear to her that you won’t be coming back with her. By being so pragmatic, you may make him see reality in the face.

In order to help him, you need to tell his relatives, friends and parents about it. This will answer your question of what to do if your ex is blackmailing you. Simply talk to those around him, and inform them of the situation in great detail. If possible, even enlist their help to help cut ties with her, if that’s necessary for you.

Blackmail via the internet

To blackmail you, your ex may threaten to post intimate pictures of yourself on the Internet. Because you’ve been a couple, chances are you have photos of each other.

But if your relationship has been serious and has lasted over time, these photos may have a more intimate, sexual or perverse character. Whether you took these photos consciously or unconsciously, the point is, they exist. And in this specific case, you have plenty of reasons to wonder what to do if your ex blackmails you with intimate photos of you.

This type of threat is particularly to be taken seriously, in view of the damaging consequences that can result from it, especially for you. It’s not clear that you can get over it if your ex posts intimate pictures of you on the internet. People have taken their own lives after having seen their nudity and privacy revealed to the general public without their consent. Such posts can damage your reputation; lose your job, and more. My ex is blackmailing me with intimate pictures that are supposed to be secret, what to do?

Know already that a person who behaves this way and utters such threats after a breakup is certainly overwhelmed by anger, grief, regret, or a desperate desire to get back with you. She therefore uses pressure tactics to make you flex, or to change your mind.

The stakes here are high, and you will be right to want to give in to panic. But it’s important to keep a cool head and try to talk your ex out of such an idea. You can try to convince her on your own first. If you do not succeed, you can now appeal to relatives or someone who is authority over her, to make her listen to reason. If all these attempts are unsuccessful, you can threaten her to press charges in case she follows through on her threat.

My ex is blackmailing me with sex clichés, what to do? If you have the ability to recover the snaps that it threatens to post, then do so without wasting any time. Whether its photos or videos, however, make sure it doesn’t have any other copies. In any case, do not use violence to extract the photos or videos from him.

Blackmail with children

In many cases, the presence of children in a couple has helped to bring stability, to the point where obviously doomed relationships have turned into lasting ones. The other side of the coin also exists; and despite the presence of the children, the disputes got the better of the couples. In the second case, with your ex-partner, you may share custody of the children, or the children have been given exclusively to one of you.

Blackmail with children can present itself in a number of ways. Either your ex has custody of the children and threatens to hurt one of them if you don’t give them a second chance. Or, because having obtained custody of the children, your ex threatens you to prevent you from seeing them, unless you pay him a sum of money.

Worse, it can turn your children against you, making them believe that you are a bad faith, untrustworthy person. Its goal? Tarnish your image with children. Sometimes your ex can mistreat the children, just to see you come back, knowing that his or her behavior towards the children is causing you pain.

In either of these scenarios, it’s totally legitimate for you to ask yourself what to do if your ex is blackmailing you into using your children. Dialogue and reason must be privileged, regardless of the situation. Try to talk to your ex-partner, in order to find a way to protect your children, because they are the first victims of such a situation.

If you are the man who has custody of the children, remember that all of your love and care for your children will never meet their need for maternal affection. Peaceful understanding therefore stands out as the only solution you can consider in the present case.

Likewise, you can, in your role as a father, whether or not you have custody of the children, talk to them regularly, be there for them at all times and show them your love. Thus, they will be able to form an opinion of you themselves, and from a certain age, distinguish right from wrong , right from wrong, as to what your ex tells them about you.

If all these attempts are unsuccessful, you have the right to involve social services, so that they absorb the situation and act accordingly. With a little luck, you may be able to get your children back if abuse is proven.

In any case, what to do in case of blackmail of an ex?

While it is true that most of the threats your ex may make after the breakup are driven by anger, bitterness, loneliness and lack of perspective, they should not be taken lightly. There are cases where exes have actually taken action, creating even more dramatic situations. This is to tell you that, whatever threat you are the victim of from your ex, moreover if she tends to threaten his life or that of your children, you must take them seriously and act promptly.

Acting promptly supposes alerting relatives and friends capable of intervening quickly and dissuading her from doing something stupid, which would harm her and those around her at the same time.

In any event that may arise, what you should avoid at all costs is force or violence.

Basically, your ex’s intention is to see you come back, even if his approach to convincing you is definitely not the best. No matter the type of threat, always favor diplomacy and dialogue. This is all the more necessary if they are your children, or if a life is at stake.

Of course, breakups hurt, but in all cases it is important that reason takes precedence over passions and vengeance, which can lead to generally undesirable consequences.

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