Men came from Mars, right? The more findings that emerge that explain how different female and male brains are, the more hope will open that we will finally understand at least one squat on men’s behavior.
Why do you keep your cars spotless while turning your homes into garbage land? How come they turn to another woman right after the breakup as if previous relationships were nothing more than a joke?
And finally, how deep can your feelings go?
Let’s explore some basics of men’s behavior. At least to those to whom we can apply logic (that’s right, women’s logic).
Types of bonding
Relationships can be different: just an affair, casual sex, a way to maintain social status, deep intimacy, self-expression, committed relationships, or something in between.
But it all starts with a “hook.” There has to be something that catches a man’s attention. And it is not purely sexual.
So what is infatuation and how is it different in men?
Romantic attraction or infatuation
The butterflies in your stomach, the romantic images in your head, and oh no, two bottles of wine, and here you are, acting like a freak, but still denying yourself, you’re in love with someone.
Men are not that different, except for a few subtle comments.
First, it is worth recognizing that both sexual and romantic attraction is normal physiological responses to attractive stimuli. A man can easily fall in love “from afar,” literally experiencing what we call “from the first sight.” Women, on the other hand, tend to immediately weigh other factors, including their personality, history of relationships, their social environment, etc.
Because men fall in love faster, they can divide their focus between different women. That being said, they may fall in love more often. While it takes a woman more time to “warm up,” a man can easily change someone else.
It does not mean that they are more “superficial.” And it certainly doesn’t mean they objectify women.
Generally, men find it difficult to be aware of their feelings. If it’s a crush, start with pretty much the same scenario: he notices you (in particular, he picks up on some characteristics that he finds attractive), then, depending on how your relationship evolves, he comes to understand what he wants.
Making love, falling in love, and feeling the desire to establish relationships are slightly different scenarios, and if in the first case the man’s decision takes like… 2 minutes, for the other two, he will need a little more time.
No matter what you’ve heard, casual nights of drinking together are not deep intimacy.
But let’s face it: men need sex MUCH more often than women. Having casual sex (do not confuse with making love) is just a routine for many.
However, it is not entirely true that men only want to flirt while women only seek committed relationships.
The sexual tension (or lust) between a man and a woman begins with special attention from one of the parties. Then they may have prolonged eye contact with each other and it usually feels great, so you don’t want to break up with it.
The thing is, if you feel the sexual tension between the two of you, you have to decide if you want it to be just one night or if you feel like maybe you want something more. Because if you agree with that, a man will do it like this:
Studies show that two-thirds of men expect their sexual encounters to turn into continuous sexual involvement. Not a relationship, but an ongoing adventure.
It indicates that once you have unlocked the sexual part, it can become the “dessert before dinner.” It’s not that bad, but… Would you enjoy your appetizers, exquisite wine, and steak if you had already had a delicious cake with cocoa powder and melted chocolate dripping?
Keep falling in love with people out of bounds
I cannot skip this part. For both men and women, it is typical to go for the “forbidden fruits” and fall in love with those that are unattainable. Sometimes OUT OF INTEREST. It is completely normal. After all, we don’t tell the brain to stutter into someone or swallow it. He does it alone.
Suzanne Degges-White, who focuses on women’s relationships and developmental transitions for women, explains that having the desire to achieve things that we think are “forbidden” is just a strange feature of the brain. You are not alone, so stop beating yourself up for another occasional crush. Instead, try to define if you have a commitment phobia because, in this case, you are likely to continue to attract unreachable partners.
Make love or have sex
If it’s not a hard after-party hangover or the “friends with benefits” type, casual sex can lead to love. Oh, slow down, “friends with benefits” can also get serious, remember?
Yes, but that’s a movie. What about real life?
I can’t remember a single instance where sex between friends led to a good thing. Let’s face it: once you get into your friend’s bed, your friendship is ruined. And the way out is in a deeper relationship or in that their paths are divided in two.
For all other cases, falling in love after spending nights together is not so rare.
You can usually easily tell when a man is starting to make love to you rather than just wasting time. If you’re having trouble defining your feelings, read on, as we’ve put together some signs that can help you indicate your intentions.
Making love vs having sex
But first, is there a difference between making love and having sex?
Ok, to name a few:
Making love is having abundant and satisfying sex.
Sex is just sex.
Making love is developing intimacy.
Sex is just sex.
The quality of “lovemaking” begins before you get to bed or a place of your choice.
The quality of good sex begins when you know the tricks.
Signs that he’s making love to you and not just fooling around
Occasional sex is often tried to objectify. Making love is about intimacy, respect, and it only happens when two people are in love. How do you recognize that your occasional “bumps” are turning into something more interesting?
First of all, there is no emotional investment in casual sex. Memorize it. Sharing words, emotions, chatting between acts indicates that someone is taking their guard down. And what happens when people forget about their vulnerability? They are opening up.
And what happens when people are opening up? Are getting closer.
Before you know it, the following is coming (mark them as signs that he is making love to you):
You start kissing
When people only follow the physical desire, the mind goes into tunnel vision, where you seek those minutes of pure pleasure, and you certainly neglect all the romantic stuff, such as kissing, being together, hugging, or even talking. If you start to kiss gently, it tells you that you are interested in your partner, not just sexually.
He is checking you out in the process
When people make love, they want to make sure the couple enjoys the process. If you close your eyes, he will redirect you to other parts of your body, but he will always return to make sure you are enjoying yourself.
Goodbye suddenly becomes a difficult word to say
Maybe a few weeks ago it was okay for them to meet, connect and live as if nothing had happened. When two people start making love to each other, you feel a new state of mind. In particular, saying goodbye suddenly becomes a difficult part. You feel a bit empty when he leaves and eventually, both of you start looking for a reason to stay together longer.
From making love to falling in love
The icing on the cake is here.
Thank goodness, when it comes to building relationships, men aren’t that “quarterback.” Both men and women report similar expectations of those with whom they want to build long-term relationships.
If your sex is now turning into something deeper, here are signs that will tell you that you want more than just sex:
- Suddenly nervous about sex
Men get nervous when they think about how they will react. That means your feelings are important to him. He is afraid of being wrong and wants to find a safe way so that everything is perfect.
- Take distance for a while
If a man is confused about his feelings (when casual sex triggers something inside him, that can be overwhelming, right?), He may go for a short-term distance to clear his mind and think things through.
- You become their top priority
Men tend to be protective of women… they like it. They invest time and resources in things that they consider important. If you decline all other responsibilities to care for you, you can be sure that you are growing as a priority. He cannot say “no” if you ask him for help, and he will accumulate all his resources to meet your expectations.
- He is opening
If a man has plans for you, he will share some secrets that others do not know. Why? Because men do not have a privilege like us girls, they cannot complain about things they consider unfair to their male friends. But they will turn to their life partner for advice, trust, and share their deep feelings.
When men start cheating
Most men will not accept an affair because they no longer love you, but because of the lack of variety in sex life or because you speak different love languages.
We have done our best to gather the most current information on the psychology behind men’s cheating. Follow our news to be informed and do not miss new articles.
Boredom is also one of the reasons that a man may start seeing another woman. If for women, it is a bit boring to brighten up your life by relating to another person; for men, it may be the only way (depending on many factors). Unfortunately, even one of those endeavors can come with some unpleasant add-ons: manipulating, lying, feeling guilty and frustrated, or everything mentioned in a cocktail party.
Fortunately, today there is no need to tolerate such an attitude: you can follow his movements, see if he is texting someone behind your back, see if he is deleting his messages or flirting with other girls on social media. There are more than enough modern tools that allow you to do just that, in no rush or rush.
Three most popular questions for our psychologist + answers
As usual, we asked our psychologist the 3 most frequent questions from our readers and she answered them. Are here:
How do you say he loves you for his kiss?
The kisses that come from the heart are long and tender. When people focus on kissing for a while, it means that they are intimate with each other. However, if he is ahead of you, closer to your neck, and you feel like “rushing,” it indicates that he does not care much about feelings and that he is interested only in physical appearance.
Will a guy avoid you if he’s developing strong feelings?
Some guys indeed tend to distance themselves from the girls they like. That happens because some men fear strong emotions: either because of negative experiences in the past or because they are unsure of their feelings.
Developing strong feelings is scary, and for some men, it is better to fight them than to reveal or talk about them. Why? Because they are persuaded not to talk about it since childhood. Almost half of the men cannot talk about their feelings.
How do you know if a guy loves you but is afraid?
Take distance. For a long time, it can seem like a guy is interested in you – he laughs at your jokes, becomes overprotective, and you feel like the chemistry has risen, but one day he just slips out of sight. He may also be acting strangely: avoiding you, getting “hot and cold” around you, he starts to get nervous. It shows that the boy is not only afraid of his feelings but can fight them.